Only Uphill

by This is Me Smiling

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credits

released November 12, 2010

Produced by This is Me Smiling
Recorded by Dan Duszynski
Additional tracking by Sean O'Keefe
Mixed by Sean O'Keefe

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tags: pop rock Chicago

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This is Me Smiling Chicago, Illinois

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Track Name: Hiding
Tears of passion, though they may seem old-fashioned
Gonna roll right down your face without asking
“how do you feel now? Is it cool if we hang out?”
Gonna show your soul to anybody in doubt

Happy with a laugh on the side
Balancing the sadness with pride
People are what they try and hide
I never knew ‘till I tried

Please and thank you
You never know where it will take you
If you just be nice then no one here will hate you

Lying to your friends
Well it only will hurt them
So continue if you’re trying to desert them
Track Name: Nothing to No One
Once a long time ago it was easy to laugh and the days went slow
They kind of bounced along, took you by the arm
Then came the awkward task of impressing the people who never asked
You gotta do your dance, hope they see the charm

You’re nothing to one, something to someone

Grew up and moved away now you talk to your parents on holidays
A friendly greeting card, phone call makes it nice
No time for special friends just a busy career, lots of traveling
You got to live it hard, keep those fears on ice

You’re nothing to no one, something to someone

Once a long time ago it was easy to sleep and the nights went slow
They sort of coasted by, took your cares away
Then came the stressful thoughts about paying the bills for the stuff you bought
And all the fancy pills get you through the day

You’re nothing to no one, something to one
Track Name: All I Wanted Was a Cigarette
If you want a statement, baby I'll make one, simple and clear:
You left me all alone when I needed you.
No one spoke english, all I wanted was a cigarette.
Excuse-moi monsieur, tu a du feu?


I spent a lot of money so you could take my dignity from me.
Not cool! So I hopped on a bike to see what Paris is like - to feel like less a fool.
Et l'on parte et c'est un jeu.
Harder to speak than to understand.

Well I'm glad that you're gone, I'm sure I'll enjoy this town
Sans amour.
Track Name: You Know What You Are
A million ways to lose a decade
So far it’s terribly hard to figure it out
Gonna stay and fight the headache kind of hope that it all works out

A million random conversations
So far you were the one that put me to sleep
Kept you in my observations- nothing else I’m supposed to keep

Saw you and wanted to take you with me
I wanted to know you quite bad
Oh, as if I could be sad
You know what you are, you know what you can’t have

I could always have a cup of coffee
Not quite ready to go and carpe diem
Still stuck finding my way out of every place I’ve been

Somebody called me an appeaser
Right then I burst into tears and then I agreed
Broke down onto the floor in search of egos that I could feed

Saw you and wanted to take you with me
I wanted to know you quite bad
Oh, as if I could be sad
You know what you are, you hate it
Track Name: Only Uphill
A couple hundred steps to the end of the hike
Another hundred miles in a van on a turnpike
Busy bodies looking to the future to find
They’re still a little bit behind
They fall down in the pitch black night
Steady ground fading from their sight
A disappointed town in a country that’s turning out the lights
Working hard to feel alright

Lately the path is going only uphill
Maybe the best approach is just standing still
Some of those eastern guys don’t need a reward
They sit around a lot but never look bored

A shiny set of bootstraps to be pulled up
Rags to riches don’t come true begging with a cup
Busy bodies looking to the future to find they’re still a little bit behind
They fall down in the pitch black night
Steady ground fading from their sight
A disenchanted frown in a picture that’s hardly black and white
In the early morning light
Track Name: Losin' it More
I’m thinking about my friends
And what they say when I’m not there
Do they talk about me like there’s something I can’t see?
I don’t care

I’m thinking about my girls
And what they do when I’m not there
Are they thinking of me with their present company?
I don’t care

Every little thing is getting so confusing
When I’m alone I try and tune it all out
Focus my attention of whatever I’m supposed to be doing
I look at the phone
But it ain’t helping me now

I’m losin’ it more
And I’m findin’ it less than yesterday and the day before

I’m thinking about my folks
And how they are when I’m not there
Are they taken care of? Are they happy and in love?
I don’t care

I’m thinking about myself
And what I do when you’re not there
Am I playing a part? Am I making some great art?
I don’t care
Track Name: The Movies
I was given the chance to redeem myself for a recent series of mistakes but did not take it,
realizing immediately afterward that doing nothing was in itself another mistake.
It made me wonder if I’ll ever break this pattern because I’m starting to harbor some exponential doubts.
I’ll end up living in a basement apartment like a hermit and get pissed off when I’m forced to go out.

So I laid my head down
And started dreaming of you in a compassionate light
I was helping you out, you were holding me tight
I don’t want to deal with the backlash from the truths that I hid
It’s gonna be another day at the movies playing on my eyelids

I was trying to somehow cancel out all the bad karma I must’ve created over the years,
figuring it may be the best way quell the impending doom feeling I get in the morning.
Although it could’ve been attributed to drinking, smoking, apathy, catastrophe all over the world and bad nutrition,
either way I was really inspired to one day do some nice things or help somebody or try to love someone.
Track Name: The Thought of You
Baby I need your love
More than I’ve ever needed anything before
Cuz honey what I want and what I need
Lucky for me are exactly the same thing

Lazily my fingers creep
Until I hear you softly singing your tiny little song
That’s all for me
For me to love you you gotta just lay down and be

The thought of you lying down with another man
Well I would I kill him
Yeah that’s what I said
Cuz I can’t just let you go
Even if you don’t want me I just want you to know

Cuz honey what I want and what I need
Lucky for me are exactly the same thing
Track Name: It Started to Rain
It’s never gonna be right
You got to get a new life in his arms
But they’re colder than expected

They’re probably stronger than mine
You’re probably doing just fine
Please remember I’m here if you’re neglected

I’ve had a headache all day since Friday
I would like some fresh air and a glass of water
Too many thoughts in my brain
I’ll get a cup out of the cupboard and put it in the front yard

And it started to rain, yeah
And it washed me away
I ain’t feeling the same since I let go of the promise I made

You changed your number two times
But I can always drive by after midnight when you’re cozy watching T.V.
Your curtain’s open pretty wide
I park the car and I hide in the back seat so the neighbors will not see me

As I’m looking inside I notice from a different angle
You’re not there by yourself
And he gives you a kiss. I get out
I just kept running
Trying to think about something else

And it started to rain, yeah
And it washed me away
I ain’t feeling the same since I let go of the promise I made

Before the sky was wringing the clouds out the earth was dry
The roads were smooth, except for the drunkies and crabby dudes
Thirsty lawns were drinking through dirty rubber straws
I hurt you
I made you start crying
I did not mean to