Only Uphill

by This is Me Smiling

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1.
Hiding 03:21
Tears of passion, though they may seem old-fashioned Gonna roll right down your face without asking “how do you feel now? Is it cool if we hang out?” Gonna show your soul to anybody in doubt Happy with a laugh on the side Balancing the sadness with pride People are what they try and hide I never knew ‘till I tried Please and thank you You never know where it will take you If you just be nice then no one here will hate you Lying to your friends Well it only will hurt them So continue if you’re trying to desert them
2.
Once a long time ago it was easy to laugh and the days went slow They kind of bounced along, took you by the arm Then came the awkward task of impressing the people who never asked You gotta do your dance, hope they see the charm You’re nothing to one, something to someone Grew up and moved away now you talk to your parents on holidays A friendly greeting card, phone call makes it nice No time for special friends just a busy career, lots of traveling You got to live it hard, keep those fears on ice You’re nothing to no one, something to someone Once a long time ago it was easy to sleep and the nights went slow They sort of coasted by, took your cares away Then came the stressful thoughts about paying the bills for the stuff you bought And all the fancy pills get you through the day You’re nothing to no one, something to one
3.
If you want a statement, baby I'll make one, simple and clear: You left me all alone when I needed you. No one spoke english, all I wanted was a cigarette. Excuse-moi monsieur, tu a du feu? I spent a lot of money so you could take my dignity from me. Not cool! So I hopped on a bike to see what Paris is like - to feel like less a fool. Et l'on parte et c'est un jeu. Harder to speak than to understand. Well I'm glad that you're gone, I'm sure I'll enjoy this town Sans amour.
4.
A million ways to lose a decade So far it’s terribly hard to figure it out Gonna stay and fight the headache kind of hope that it all works out A million random conversations So far you were the one that put me to sleep Kept you in my observations- nothing else I’m supposed to keep Saw you and wanted to take you with me I wanted to know you quite bad Oh, as if I could be sad You know what you are, you know what you can’t have I could always have a cup of coffee Not quite ready to go and carpe diem Still stuck finding my way out of every place I’ve been Somebody called me an appeaser Right then I burst into tears and then I agreed Broke down onto the floor in search of egos that I could feed Saw you and wanted to take you with me I wanted to know you quite bad Oh, as if I could be sad You know what you are, you hate it
5.
Only Uphill 03:36
A couple hundred steps to the end of the hike Another hundred miles in a van on a turnpike Busy bodies looking to the future to find They’re still a little bit behind They fall down in the pitch black night Steady ground fading from their sight A disappointed town in a country that’s turning out the lights Working hard to feel alright Lately the path is going only uphill Maybe the best approach is just standing still Some of those eastern guys don’t need a reward They sit around a lot but never look bored A shiny set of bootstraps to be pulled up Rags to riches don’t come true begging with a cup Busy bodies looking to the future to find they’re still a little bit behind They fall down in the pitch black night Steady ground fading from their sight A disenchanted frown in a picture that’s hardly black and white In the early morning light
6.
I’m thinking about my friends And what they say when I’m not there Do they talk about me like there’s something I can’t see? I don’t care I’m thinking about my girls And what they do when I’m not there Are they thinking of me with their present company? I don’t care Every little thing is getting so confusing When I’m alone I try and tune it all out Focus my attention of whatever I’m supposed to be doing I look at the phone But it ain’t helping me now I’m losin’ it more And I’m findin’ it less than yesterday and the day before I’m thinking about my folks And how they are when I’m not there Are they taken care of? Are they happy and in love? I don’t care I’m thinking about myself And what I do when you’re not there Am I playing a part? Am I making some great art? I don’t care
7.
The Movies 02:48
I was given the chance to redeem myself for a recent series of mistakes but did not take it, realizing immediately afterward that doing nothing was in itself another mistake. It made me wonder if I’ll ever break this pattern because I’m starting to harbor some exponential doubts. I’ll end up living in a basement apartment like a hermit and get pissed off when I’m forced to go out. So I laid my head down And started dreaming of you in a compassionate light I was helping you out, you were holding me tight I don’t want to deal with the backlash from the truths that I hid It’s gonna be another day at the movies playing on my eyelids I was trying to somehow cancel out all the bad karma I must’ve created over the years, figuring it may be the best way quell the impending doom feeling I get in the morning. Although it could’ve been attributed to drinking, smoking, apathy, catastrophe all over the world and bad nutrition, either way I was really inspired to one day do some nice things or help somebody or try to love someone.
8.
Baby I need your love More than I’ve ever needed anything before Cuz honey what I want and what I need Lucky for me are exactly the same thing Lazily my fingers creep Until I hear you softly singing your tiny little song That’s all for me For me to love you you gotta just lay down and be The thought of you lying down with another man Well I would I kill him Yeah that’s what I said Cuz I can’t just let you go Even if you don’t want me I just want you to know Cuz honey what I want and what I need Lucky for me are exactly the same thing
9.
It’s never gonna be right You got to get a new life in his arms But they’re colder than expected They’re probably stronger than mine You’re probably doing just fine Please remember I’m here if you’re neglected I’ve had a headache all day since Friday I would like some fresh air and a glass of water Too many thoughts in my brain I’ll get a cup out of the cupboard and put it in the front yard And it started to rain, yeah And it washed me away I ain’t feeling the same since I let go of the promise I made You changed your number two times But I can always drive by after midnight when you’re cozy watching T.V. Your curtain’s open pretty wide I park the car and I hide in the back seat so the neighbors will not see me As I’m looking inside I notice from a different angle You’re not there by yourself And he gives you a kiss. I get out I just kept running Trying to think about something else And it started to rain, yeah And it washed me away I ain’t feeling the same since I let go of the promise I made Before the sky was wringing the clouds out the earth was dry The roads were smooth, except for the drunkies and crabby dudes Thirsty lawns were drinking through dirty rubber straws I hurt you I made you start crying I did not mean to
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released November 12, 2010

Produced by This is Me Smiling
Recorded by Dan Duszynski
Additional tracking by Sean O'Keefe
Mixed by Sean O'Keefe

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This is Me Smiling Chicago, Illinois

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